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What is wrong with me?I'm a monster
I'm a freak
Save yourself
Stay away

I lash out
I break
I hurt
I'm sorry

I lost control
For one moment
Pushed over the edge
It was too much

I can't believe it
What is wrong with me?
How could I do this?
It won't happen again

But still stay away
Why not?
Why be near me?
What good is there to hold by?

Theres one light left
One candle
On the outside
To relight the others inside
ThoughtsI'm so sick of not being perfect
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me

Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much

Then I do it again
I screw up
I hurt
I break
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort

I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found

I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hidin
A New and Bright FriendshipIt's always been hard to explain my feelings
But right now I'm speechless
I've never thought I could care so much
So quickly
Yet here I am
Offering my help and support
No matter what.

Some of my darkest corners
Smile when I talk to you
My worries begin to fade
And my stomach feels warm
A new and bright friendship
I'm just glad I met you.
I should have seenI try
And I try
To be better
And better
I try to be perfect
I want no fault
All for you

I only wish to be everything
And give you everything
I didn't know
I was hurting you

Again and again
You told me I was fine
There's nothing wrong
I should have understood
And accepted myself

We all have faults
It doesn't mean there's something wrong
I just wanted to reach the impossible
I wanted to be perfect
For you

I'm sorry
I should have seen
You love me
For me
So What Do I Do?If only I could read your mind
If only I could interpret you emotions
Understand what you're going through
See through your eyes
Hear through your ears
Feel through your heart
If only I knew how to help you

But I can't
And I don't
And it's killing me
So what do I do?
Tell me.
WithinA smile,
A laugh,
A hug.
A façade.

Within

A broken world,
A civil war,
A shattered soul,
Of its own destruction.

But further within

A full heart,
A true smile,
A happy me.
Waiting to shine.
I Still Love YouI'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I can only try
But it hurts when you get angry
And you don't say why

You look at me in tears
Sometimes you almost shout
The frustration you bring upon me
The anger you bring out

I'm mad because I care
I want nothing more than to see you smile
I just want to help
And believe me
I'll be here a while

When you cry
My eyes tear at the seams
When you're sad
Rain clouds haunt my dreams

But when you laugh or smile
My lips curl up too
You still just make me so happy, I only wish I could express
How much I still love you.
There For You
I am the wall
When you need to lean
I am the net
When you start to fall
I am the brace
If you start to break
I am the pillow
to rest your beautiful head
If you start to cry

When everything shifts
Fades in and out
When the world does not stand still
I am there
Wherever your focus may lay
on me or not
I am there
And I will always
Be there
Truly FreeIn this world as we know it
No human will ever be free
Truly free

Slavery is lessoned
But the past will forever haunt
Never free of bad memories
And still racism will haunt
Never will it end

Even in the façade of peace
We are not free
Judgment of others
Social standings and wealth
And being told what to do
Where to go
What to be

In our own homes
We're trapped from the start
The teachings and influence of those around us
Swaying our minds one way or another
Never will our thoughts be truly free

Imagine none of these restrictions
Are we yet free?
No
It still comes down to the basics of life
Our physical limitations
We
Blood Stained VanityAlone,
Shaking calmly in a cold sweat,
Cross legged on bed, head in hands,
A stuttered breath:
“Stop”

Nails begin scraping flesh and bone,
Hair tearing to get at the thoughts,
Biting lip to bear the pain, and stop the tears,
Yet a part wants it to continue,
Wants it to grow,
To consume,
Until there’s nothing left.

In the dark sat in utter loathe,
Blood stained vanity and silent screams,
Tearing mind from inside out,
Until it shows upon flesh.

Breaking words only to self,
No desire to burden others,
Facing it alone,
Or at least,
Trying.

Apologies to all of caring heart,
Inner conflict never a quick war,
Peace though found
True ImmortalityDear World,
Hot and cold
Light and dark
Good and bad
Violent and peaceful
Strong and weak
Push and pull
World.
Many walk among you
Many lay deceased
Each and every different from another
All under you, my mother
With the complications of you
World
Where do I stand?
If I were to give you my body
But send my soul away
Would I be forgotten
Or would I be remembered?
Is my mark which stains your soil
Worth merely the memory of friends and family
Or worth the eyes and ears of hundreds
Thousands
Millions
Is my mark to be mortally bound to your beings
Or will it stand immortal among the minds of us all
Oh World
Will I achie
A Moment of ConnectionI walked alone
On a path followed by few
Gently warmed
By the high risen sun
The sounds of nature soft
Little did they touch my ears
And into my thoughts
Where I remembered her face
Her smile
Bright as the day
Gentle as the breeze

I came to a clearing
Not far from the path lay a field
Low cut grass
A river flow just beyond
It was wide and calm
And in the middle sat but two trees
All alone
Away from the rest

Unlike the forest around
The trees had color
Had beauty
Hugging with branches intertwined
Orange and red leaves kissing
The two trees together
Apart from the rest.
Don't Help AnymoreI'm done
Letting you help
I'm hopeless
I'm gone
You shouldn't have to
Put up with me
You shouldn't have to
Tale the pain
I'm going to break down
Anyone part of the foundation
That helped
When I last fell apart
Will be crushed
Under the weight
And a person can only take so much
So don't help
Don't hurt yourself
Trying to stop me
From hurting me
I'm done
I'm hopeless
I'm gone
My Mind Like A ShadowMy Mind Like A Shadow

Dark in the lightest of places
Visible and not
Ignored and forgotten
But still there
Following
Watching
Waiting
Building, one darkness on another
Growing
Until it overwhelms

There's a reason we're scared of the dark
Nightmares and fears. Part 1They say you can't feel dreams,
They say nightmares aren't real,
But they're wrong.

Dreams are windows to the subconscious,
Nightmares are reminders of our fears.

When the mind tries to tell us something
In a dream, or a nightmare
We feel it.
Oh, we feel it.

Have you ever woken in tears?
Have you ever been afraid of the truth?
Have you ever been afraid of yourself?

Sometimes nightmares don't just remind us
They make us relive our fears,
And in doing so it strikes us
Emotionally
No matter what the fear
And that emotional pain
Yeah we feel that.
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More from *AutumnNight714

A New and Bright FriendshipIt's always been hard to explain my feelings
But right now I'm speechless
I've never thought I could care so much
So quickly
Yet here I am
Offering my help and support
No matter what.

Some of my darkest corners
Smile when I talk to you
My worries begin to fade
And my stomach feels warm
A new and bright friendship
I'm just glad I met you.
So What Do I Do?If only I could read your mind
If only I could interpret you emotions
Understand what you're going through
See through your eyes
Hear through your ears
Feel through your heart
If only I knew how to help you

But I can't
And I don't
And it's killing me
So what do I do?
Tell me.

Featured in Groups:

:iconwritten-from-within: #written-from-within
Written From the Soul :iconwriteaway: #writeaway
Find Your Inner Voice :iconpencils-of-doom: #Pencils-of-Doom
After School Art Club :iconthepoetryofda: #ThePoetryofDA
DA Poetry Club :iconunseen-authors: #Unseen-Authors
 :iconunseen-writers: #Unseen-Writers
For the writers and readers :iconpoetsandwriters: #PoetsandWriters
Authors of all things Lit. :icondark-side-of-life: #Dark-side-of-life
Welcome to the Dark Side

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November 6, 2012
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Within (redone)

:iconautumnnight714:

An unnatural smile taking place,
Of one true but lost.
A joyless laugh seemingly real,
But unknowingly different.
Carefully displayed, a convincing facade
Few can see through.

Within,
A crumbled crying world,
Reaching not past the surface.
A raging war of civil encounter,
Relentlessly unforgiving and destructive.
A cowering bloody soul,
Shattered upon the foundation and spread foreign,
It is of its own devastation.

But further within,
A lovingly happily full heart,
The true smile that contagiously glimmers,
And a happy soul,
Waiting to shine through.
:iconautumnnight714:
Had to write a poem for english class. Picked a random one out of my gallery (Within) and redid it. So here it is. I'm not actually like this any more though, the last stanza there has broken through. This was a long time ago.
Hope it's alright. :)
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:iconbleachingliliesblack:
~BleachingLiliesBlack Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
😊
Reply
:iconirrendernarr42:
~irrenderNarr42 Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What? you had to write a poem for english-class and not did a new one? Lazy basterdXD
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
*AutumnNight714 Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
it's mostly new! but yes I am. xD
Reply
:iconirrendernarr42:
~irrenderNarr42 Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:D
Reply
:iconsvitavotara:
Mood: Love ~Svitavotara Nov 7, 2012
This is so lovely!
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
*AutumnNight714 Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :)
Reply
:iconfrei76:
Mood: Adoration *frei76 Nov 6, 2012
wow, it's really beautiful :love: and I love that sense of hope at the end,
as a small hidden fire always burning, weak perhaps, but that will not die...
really a great job! :pat:
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
*AutumnNight714 Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :) Really glad you liked it. And I'm glad someone got that sense out of it.
Reply
:iconfrei76:
Mood: Love *frei76 Nov 6, 2012
you write very well :clap:
you have the ability to show the beauty through words, that envy!
keep it up! :w00t:
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
*AutumnNight714 Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! (:
Means a lot, especially since I don't consider myself a poet :)
Reply
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