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I'm a monster
I'm a freak
Save yourself
Stay away

I lash out
I break
I hurt
I'm sorry

I lost control
For one moment
Pushed over the edge
It was too much

I can't believe it
What is wrong with me?
How could I do this?
It won't happen again

But still stay away
Why not?
Why be near me?
What good is there to hold by?

Theres one light left
One candle
On the outside
To relight the others inside
I just... punched a hole in a drywall... I can't even believe it... I'm messed up... I won't name the cause of my anger... I just...what is wrong with me? That's the question... my head is just totally screwed up
I don't know what else to say.. I can't even get mad at myself over this, because that's just feeding the anger... Just have to cry it off...
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:iconthisdudelikebvbbitch:
thisdudelikeBVBbitch Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Student General Artist
i feel like this sometimes, awesome poem
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:iconrookie2:
rookie2 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
But whatever it is, you are no monster, you are human, and if you look at the rest of the world and the events in the news today about the wars, you are gentle compared to some Countries.
Reply
:iconrookie2:
rookie2 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I you remember the first note I replied to that you sent, I was in a very bad place, now that I go to group therapy, I haven't tried to kill myself since then, also maybe you can't help the sudden anger, is it a disorder? disease? Schizophrenia? Bipolar? Maybe that's what makes you so unique.
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:iconkingrandom64:
KingRandom64 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Professional Writer
That... reminds me of my past... those words...
so effective... so powerful...
But maybe you should feel good that you managed to get this much feedback!
I learnt in my hard life that although there are bad things, there are good things to keep you moving, (kinda obvious I know).
Well done :)
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much. And yeah I'm really grateful for all the feedback.
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:iconkingrandom64:
KingRandom64 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Professional Writer
:) No problem, my friend :D.
I'd say you're a natural, you even have a guitar... maybe that's a sign...
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Student Writer
haha I'm not that great at either, trust me haha
thanks for the favorite and watch by te way
Reply
:iconkingrandom64:
KingRandom64 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Oh really, I never lie, I mean it!
What was the first emotion you felt when you wrote this?
Anger I guess, or maybe not, either way, emotion strangely makes you see how good you really are at stuff, if that makes sense...
And no problem! :D
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Student Writer
well I always have several emotions going at once, pretty much all the time, unless it's just straight up love. For this, I got mad, and hit a wall... first time, and I really hated myself for it. I hate hurting people, i hate lashing out, i hate even getting angry, that was the only time in my life anyone has actually been able to tell i was pissed off. I usually deal with it all internally, and often take it out on myself. So when I was starting to write this, it was a mixture of regret, self loathing, and sadness really
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:iconkingrandom64:
KingRandom64 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Perfect, well... not perfect, but perfect skill-raising-wise.
I feel the more negative the feel, the more you can express while writing things.
Sorry to hear that by the way...
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Student Writer
exactly, my best stuff is my most depressing haha
and no need to be sorry, it was a long time ago, just finding new groups xD
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(1 Reply)
:iconeredev:
Eredev Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013
It’s good you didn’t punch someone in the face.
I hate losing control :(

But I really like this, keep up the good work :)
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks
yeah I would never hurt anyone unlesss i was protecting someone else
Reply
:iconthelusir:
theLUsir Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sounds like you need an outlet. Instead of asking "What is wrong with me?" maybe ask "Have I always been like this?" or "How did this happen to me?"

We all lose control, we all snap. It is important to have someone or something to go to when we feel the temperature rising, the blood starting to boil.

I hope this helps. Hang in there.
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks. I mean, this was a while ago haha just been adding stuff to new groups because I've been bored lately, but I understand what you're saying. Nah it was a one time thing, I'm not an angry person, I don't take anger out on anything (except that one time) or anyone. Usually I find it helps to just work on writing my books, talk to my gf, play guitar, write some songs, that kind of thing. I've actually been a lot better lately, especially in the past couple months, only self-harmed once, been pretty happy, haven't slipped or hated myself as much so I'm good. Thanks though.
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:iconthelusir:
theLUsir Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That's great to hear!

You could have written it a hundred years ago and I feel my "advice" would still be valid. More importantly, your update is very encouraging.

Keep it up!
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks haha it is still valid. Of course. Just assuring that I'm better as well. (: Posting a new poem momentarily, so yeah I'm keeping it up haha
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:iconthelusir:
theLUsir Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Good to hear. :D
Reply
:iconwizardhowl10001:
WizardHowl10001 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
It's a bad feeling, yes. But even though it sucks, venting is the best way to
releive such pain. And that's okay. Everyone needs to do it. We're only human,
after all: and some of us have scarier monsters inside ourselves than others.

Beautifully written.
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you, means a lot.
Reply
:iconwizardhowl10001:
WizardHowl10001 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
Happy to help :)
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:iconaqua-breeze:
Aqua-Breeze Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know exactly how you feel. Whenever you want to talk/vent, you can always talk to me (:
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you :) Same for you.
And anyone else happening to creepily read all my comments.
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:iconavadieheart:
AvaDieHeart Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
i feel ya. im like that every day......it sucks:heart:
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
yeah, we get by though...
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:iconavadieheart:
AvaDieHeart Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
yeah take it day by every lil fucking day
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
*nods* agreed
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:iconavadieheart:
AvaDieHeart Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
*nods back* yeah
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:iconangiiee361:
angiiee361 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
awwwwwwwwwwww cute
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Student Writer
thanks :)
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:iconangiiee361:
angiiee361 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
welcum
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:iconikestrel:
iKestrel Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist
I feeeeeeel for you. Been there.
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconbattybaby:
battybaby Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The poem is lovely and I can tell it's very close to you, the words. Art is a wonderful outlet and coping skill to have. Also crying is cathartic,good for the soul. I hope what ever caused your distress is over now or atleast getting better. Good luck luv
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much, it's over. But yeah I'm not very good at it, but I love writing poetry when I'm upset.
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:iconkakekills:
kakekills Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   Artist
This is so relateable just that i dont take out my anger like that usually if someone cuases it i either do a couple mind tricks to them that makes them freak out which afterwards i feel bad cuz it is mean... but mainly ive ben controlling my anger as much as possible which i have no idea how i am doing it
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
Yeah, I hate hurting people and everything, and some people I'm really close to get affraid when people are angry, and so I just felt terrible, and I hate getting angry in general so I ended up just kinda spitting this out real quick.
Reply
:iconkakekills:
kakekills Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   Artist
yah the same with me i hate hurting people but sometimes it just happens my friends used to get really scared but lately they noticed ive ben less mean so yah... over the summer was when i decided to try being nicer cuz i noticed it doesnt really matter anymore about what i used to do but if people r mean to me my friends usually step back and just let me solve this but lately mind games have been doin just fine an no fighting ive also ben confronting them and making everyone notice what they did instead of letting people think that person is nice and isnt mean
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
yeah, I agree.
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:iconkakekills:
kakekills Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   Artist
ok i never agree with myself fully cuz i over think everything
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
haha I do too
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:iconkakekills:
kakekills Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   Artist
well people say Im crazy so thats my excuse but really im just bein loud and fun because I cant stand a boring moment
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
ahh
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(1 Reply)
:icongrimasever:
GrimAsEver Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Student Writer
This is really good. I can totally relate to how you feel. My parents did heroine through my inter childhood. The lack of attention that I got cause me to lash out, kick door vents in, punch walls.. Just remember you're not alone. :heart:
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Student Writer
thanks (:
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:iconxxscreamingoctoberxx:
I punched my locker in school one time so hard it broke o.o
I hope you feel better<3
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Student Writer
haha thanks
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