[x]

ThoughtsI'm so sick of not being perfect
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me

Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much

Then I do it again
I screw up
I hurt
I break
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort

I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found

I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hidin

So What Do I Do?If only I could read your mind
If only I could interpret you emotions
Understand what you're going through
See through your eyes
Hear through your ears
Feel through your heart
If only I knew how to help you

But I can't
And I don't
And it's killing me
So what do I do?
Tell me.

WithinA smile,
A laugh,
A hug.
A façade.

Within

A broken world,
A civil war,
A shattered soul,
Of its own destruction.

But further within

A full heart,
A true smile,
A happy me.
Waiting to shine.

A New and Bright FriendshipIt's always been hard to explain my feelings
But right now I'm speechless
I've never thought I could care so much
So quickly
Yet here I am
Offering my help and support
No matter what.

Some of my darkest corners
Smile when I talk to you
My worries begin to fade
And my stomach feels warm
A new and bright friendship
I'm just glad I met you.

I should have seenI try
And I try
To be better
And better
I try to be perfect
I want no fault
All for you

I only wish to be everything
And give you everything
I didn't know
I was hurting you

Again and again
You told me I was fine
There's nothing wrong
I should have understood
And accepted myself

We all have faults
It doesn't mean there's something wrong
I just wanted to reach the impossible
I wanted to be perfect
For you

I'm sorry
I should have seen
You love me
For me

Loving YouShining bright the stars look down
City lights in the distance
Nature's beauty up close
A cool night with a warm breeze
Brushing us as we kiss.
Your head on my shoulder
A beautiful face in the moonlight

Long our journey has been
And longer it will be
But through thick and thin
We both are there
To come back together
On this night

We've aged and we've grown
Since we first came together
We've loved and we've fought
We've struggled and we've glided
But after all this time
We find ourselves together again
Where some may grow apart
We seem to grow closer

A bumpy road
Of mixed emotions and feelings
For one another and for oth

A Moment of ConnectionI walked alone
On a path followed by few
Gently warmed
By the high risen sun
The sounds of nature soft
Little did they touch my ears
And into my thoughts
Where I remembered her face
Her smile
Bright as the day
Gentle as the breeze

I came to a clearing
Not far from the path lay a field
Low cut grass
A river flow just beyond
It was wide and calm
And in the middle sat but two trees
All alone
Away from the rest

Unlike the forest around
The trees had color
Had beauty
Hugging with branches intertwined
Orange and red leaves kissing
The two trees together
Apart from the rest.

I Still Love YouI'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I can only try
But it hurts when you get angry
And you don't say why

You look at me in tears
Sometimes you almost shout
The frustration you bring upon me
The anger you bring out

I'm mad because I care
I want nothing more than to see you smile
I just want to help
And believe me
I'll be here a while

When you cry
My eyes tear at the seams
When you're sad
Rain clouds haunt my dreams

But when you laugh or smile
My lips curl up too
You still just make me so happy, I only wish I could express
How much I still love you.

Within (redone)An unnatural smile taking place,
Of one true but lost.
A joyless laugh seemingly real,
But unknowingly different.
Carefully displayed, a convincing facade
Few can see through.

Within,
A crumbled crying world,
Reaching not past the surface.
A raging war of civil encounter,
Relentlessly unforgiving and destructive.
A cowering bloody soul,
Shattered upon the foundation and spread foreign,
It is of its own devastation.

But further within,
A lovingly happily full heart,
The true smile that contagiously glimmers,
And a happy soul,
Waiting to shine through.

Lie To MeFingertips lace around my ribs
And pull at my skin
As my breath catches
At the coolness of your touch.

Calm these trembling hands
And hold them tight in yours.
I'll move my lips on yours
Just so you don't have to.

Hearts beat faster and
My breath shudders with insecurity.
Press my body close to yours
So I don't shatter into fragments.

Lie to me one more time.
Tangle your legs in mine,
Brush your lips along my neck.
Make me feel alive.

True ImmortalityDear World,
Hot and cold
Light and dark
Good and bad
Violent and peaceful
Strong and weak
Push and pull
World.
Many walk among you
Many lay deceased
Each and every different from another
All under you, my mother
With the complications of you
World
Where do I stand?
If I were to give you my body
But send my soul away
Would I be forgotten
Or would I be remembered?
Is my mark which stains your soil
Worth merely the memory of friends and family
Or worth the eyes and ears of hundreds
Thousands
Millions
Is my mark to be mortally bound to your beings
Or will it stand immortal among the minds of us all
Oh World
Will I achie

SilenceSilence is the slowest form of suicide
Silence is what keeps us apart
Silence is the scream that everyone shouts

Silence is the lost dream we all have
Silence is the blood we all have spilled
Silence is what keeps us together

Silence is god in the air
Silence is the death you can bear
Silence is the reason you care

Silence is what creeps upon you at night
Silence is the chills in your spine
Silence is the reason
And the only reason
Why you haven't said these words yourself

There For You

I am the wall
When you need to lean
I am the net
When you start to fall
I am the brace
If you start to break
I am the pillow
to rest your beautiful head
If you start to cry

When everything shifts
Fades in and out
When the world does not stand still
I am there
Wherever your focus may lay
on me or not
I am there
And I will always
Be there

SuicidalBlood flows from our wrists,
Making our hands turn into fists.
We only feel the pain and sorrow,
Have we given up hope for a better tomorrow?

The rope is hanging from the ceiling,
Helping us end that miserable feeling.
The pills are scattered across the floor,
Maybe we need to swallow just one more?

Others might refuse to see the cruelty of life,
While others try to end it by the knife.
Trying to get out of this cruel dream,
Sometimes all we can do is scream.

There are others like you out there,
You might not yet know where.
But they try to overcome it,
That's something not all will admit.

Every one of us needs a helping hand,

SeriouslyWhy can't you see
What I see in front of me
You have a mirror
Look and see whats clear

Everything I love about you
Is written on your face as proof
Don't you understand
That you don't have to be grand

For me to love you and proclaim it
You don't have to go through all this shit
Because you are beautiful right now
Even with your face in a frown?

You don't have to conform
You don't have to fit into the 'norm'
So don't dirty the pages of your life
With societies magnetic strife

Put down that knife and blade
Extinguish the fire of pain
Your life is not the price to be paid
Your life is wiped of stains

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Blood Stained VanityAlone,
Shaking calmly in a cold sweat,
Cross legged on bed, head in hands,
A stuttered breath:
“Stop”

Nails begin scraping flesh and bone,
Hair tearing to get at the thoughts,
Biting lip to bear the pain, and stop the tears,
Yet a part wants it to continue,
Wants it to grow,
To consume,
Until there’s nothing left.

In the dark sat in utter loathe,
Blood stained vanity and silent screams,
Tearing mind from inside out,
Until it shows upon flesh.

Breaking words only to self,
No desire to burden others,
Facing it alone,
Or at least,
Trying.

Apologies to all of caring heart,
Inner conflict never a quick war,
Peace though found

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Submitted: September 29, 2012
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What is wrong with me?

by *AutumnNight714, Sep 29, 2012, 3:42:56 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I'm a monster
I'm a freak
Save yourself
Stay away

I lash out
I break
I hurt
I'm sorry

I lost control
For one moment
Pushed over the edge
It was too much

I can't believe it
What is wrong with me?
How could I do this?
It won't happen again

But still stay away
Why not?
Why be near me?
What good is there to hold by?

Theres one light left
One candle
On the outside
To relight the others inside

What is wrong with me?by *AutumnNight714

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I just... punched a hole in a drywall... I can't even believe it... I'm messed up... I won't name the cause of my anger... I just...what is wrong with me? That's the question... my head is just totally screwed up
I don't know what else to say.. I can't even get mad at myself over this, because that's just feeding the anger... Just have to cry it off...

love 4 4

joy 1 1

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

sad 2 2

fear 1 1

~~neutral 0 0~~

!KingRandom64 May 3, 2013 Professional Writer

That... reminds me of my past... those words...
so effective... so powerful...
But maybe you should feel good that you managed to get this much feedback!
I learnt in my hard life that although there are bad things, there are good things to keep you moving, (kinda obvious I know).
Well done

*AutumnNight714 May 3, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Thank you so much. And yeah I'm really grateful for all the feedback.

!KingRandom64 May 3, 2013 Professional Writer

No problem, my friend

.
I'd say you're a natural, you even have a guitar... maybe that's a sign...

*AutumnNight714 May 3, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

haha I'm not that great at either, trust me haha
thanks for the favorite and watch by te way

!KingRandom64 May 3, 2013 Professional Writer

Oh really, I never lie, I mean it!
What was the first emotion you felt when you wrote this?
Anger I guess, or maybe not, either way, emotion strangely makes you see how good you really are at stuff, if that makes sense...
And no problem!

*AutumnNight714 May 3, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

well I always have several emotions going at once, pretty much all the time, unless it's just straight up love. For this, I got mad, and hit a wall... first time, and I really hated myself for it. I hate hurting people, i hate lashing out, i hate even getting angry, that was the only time in my life anyone has actually been able to tell i was pissed off. I usually deal with it all internally, and often take it out on myself. So when I was starting to write this, it was a mixture of regret, self loathing, and sadness really

!KingRandom64 May 3, 2013 Professional Writer

Perfect, well... not perfect, but perfect skill-raising-wise.
I feel the more negative the feel, the more you can express while writing things.
Sorry to hear that by the way...

*AutumnNight714 May 3, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

exactly, my best stuff is my most depressing haha
and no need to be sorry, it was a long time ago, just finding new groups xD

(1 Reply)

~Eredev Mar 4, 2013

It’s good you didn’t punch someone in the face.
I hate losing control

But I really like this, keep up the good work

*AutumnNight714 Mar 5, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Thanks
yeah I would never hurt anyone unlesss i was protecting someone else

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