literature

Thoughts

Deviation Actions

AutumnNight714's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

I'm so sick of not being perfect
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me

Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much

Then I do it again
I screw up
I hurt
I break
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort

I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found

I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hiding it too
I'm just tired of the pain
I'm tired of taking it out on myself
Let me hide in the dark
Let me face it once again
Only through self-destruction
Can I build the true me

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I wish I wasn't this way
I wish I knew how to stop it
But it's there
I only hope you still accept me

I find comfort in one
One person
Who's eyes aren't blind through my self-hatred
Who can tell me the truth
The truth I have to learn to accept
However hard it may be
I'm not all bad

I'm told by her there's nothing wrong
I'm fine the way I am
But how is someone so messed up
Fine?

There are moments I see the light
See the good in me
But its grip is weak
Holding onto the edge
Doesn't take much
To make me fall

However, I'm often caught
I've been given the strength to climb
And the bottom is now far
Far down
So I'm caught
I'm saved
From myself
The me that waits at the bottom

To my savior
Thank you

Without you I'd still be weak
I wouldn't climb
I'd lay at the bottom
Stepped on by the other me
The devil inside
Overcoming this me
The me you saw
The me you saved

You keep me climbing
You're the light that waits at the top
You're the one that catches my fall

I'm sorry I don't make it easy
There are times my strength wanes
Falters
Fails
But you don't seem to give up
You still keep me going

One day I'll make it over the top
One day
This goes up and down a bit... I was thinking about making it 3 separate parts (3 deviations) but I changed my mind and just did it all together...
yeah... sorry it's so long... just had to get it out I guess... not edited, so sorry about that, it just kinda came out...
by the way, I'm talking to different people at different parts of this... myself included in one or two I think...
© 2012 - 2024 AutumnNight714
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NikkiNerd's avatar
omg this made me cry. I can't believe that someone finally put my feelings into words perfectly. Thank you so much.