My secretLet me tell you a secret
So listen carefully...
If you
if you take my hand
but let me lead
If you
If you would just trust me
when I say I'm not like them
If you
If you show me mercy
by wiping the tears of my cheeks when I'm sad
If you
If you let me feel home, safe and protected
just hug me tight and never let go
If you
If you would just have faith in me
Then I promise you one thing
I promise you will never ever have to be alone again
I promise you that love...

What is wrong with me?I'm a monster
I'm a freak
Save yourself
Stay away

I lash out
I break
I hurt
I'm sorry

I lost control
For one moment
Pushed over the edge
It was too much

I can't believe it
What is wrong with me?
How could I do this?
It won't happen again

But still stay away
Why not?
Why be near me?
What good is there to hold by?

Theres one light left
One candle
On the outside
To relight the others inside

WithinA smile,
A laugh,
A hug.
A façade.

Within

A broken world,
A civil war,
A shattered soul,
Of its own destruction.

But further within

A full heart,
A true smile,
A happy me.
Waiting to shine.

A Moment of ConnectionI walked alone
On a path followed by few
Gently warmed
By the high risen sun
The sounds of nature soft
Little did they touch my ears
And into my thoughts
Where I remembered her face
Her smile
Bright as the day
Gentle as the breeze

I came to a clearing
Not far from the path lay a field
Low cut grass
A river flow just beyond
It was wide and calm
And in the middle sat but two trees
All alone
Away from the rest

Unlike the forest around
The trees had color
Had beauty
Hugging with branches intertwined
Orange and red leaves kissing
The two trees together
Apart from the rest.

True ImmortalityDear World,
Hot and cold
Light and dark
Good and bad
Violent and peaceful
Strong and weak
Push and pull
World.
Many walk among you
Many lay deceased
Each and every different from another
All under you, my mother
With the complications of you
World
Where do I stand?
If I were to give you my body
But send my soul away
Would I be forgotten
Or would I be remembered?
Is my mark which stains your soil
Worth merely the memory of friends and family
Or worth the eyes and ears of hundreds
Thousands
Millions
Is my mark to be mortally bound to your beings
Or will it stand immortal among the minds of us all
Oh World
Will I achie

I should have seenI try
And I try
To be better
And better
I try to be perfect
I want no fault
All for you

I only wish to be everything
And give you everything
I didn't know
I was hurting you

Again and again
You told me I was fine
There's nothing wrong
I should have understood
And accepted myself

We all have faults
It doesn't mean there's something wrong
I just wanted to reach the impossible
I wanted to be perfect
For you

I'm sorry
I should have seen
You love me
For me

Don't Help AnymoreI'm done
Letting you help
I'm hopeless
I'm gone
You shouldn't have to
Put up with me
You shouldn't have to
Tale the pain
I'm going to break down
Anyone part of the foundation
That helped
When I last fell apart
Will be crushed
Under the weight
And a person can only take so much
So don't help
Don't hurt yourself
Trying to stop me
From hurting me
I'm done
I'm hopeless
I'm gone

Loving YouShining bright the stars look down
City lights in the distance
Nature's beauty up close
A cool night with a warm breeze
Brushing us as we kiss.
Your head on my shoulder
A beautiful face in the moonlight

Long our journey has been
And longer it will be
But through thick and thin
We both are there
To come back together
On this night

We've aged and we've grown
Since we first came together
We've loved and we've fought
We've struggled and we've glided
But after all this time
We find ourselves together again
Where some may grow apart
We seem to grow closer

A bumpy road
Of mixed emotions and feelings
For one another and for oth

Within (redone)An unnatural smile taking place,
Of one true but lost.
A joyless laugh seemingly real,
But unknowingly different.
Carefully displayed, a convincing facade
Few can see through.

Within,
A crumbled crying world,
Reaching not past the surface.
A raging war of civil encounter,
Relentlessly unforgiving and destructive.
A cowering bloody soul,
Shattered upon the foundation and spread foreign,
It is of its own devastation.

But further within,
A lovingly happily full heart,
The true smile that contagiously glimmers,
And a happy soul,
Waiting to shine through.

For my own heart's sake, here it is for you"Some people are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together."
That's what they say, after what I've heard.
That's what they say and I believe in it.
"You're the one my soul has chosen"
those words are my own, and I believe in them as well.

But here's the thing; I believe in the first saying more.
I love you. I love you like there is no tomorrow and I haven't forgotten about you.
I will never forget about you.

But I have moved on.
I needed a life outside of you and now I have.
I miss you with all of my heart, but there's nothing I can do.

You see, I'm happy now. And even if I don't want to admit it, it's the truth.
I'm h

So What Do I Do?If only I could read your mind
If only I could interpret you emotions
Understand what you're going through
See through your eyes
Hear through your ears
Feel through your heart
If only I knew how to help you

But I can't
And I don't
And it's killing me
So what do I do?
Tell me.

I think notTo you and to all
do you see my pain?
This agony within?
I think not

If you did
Would you let me be?
Who I am supposed to be?
I think not

Pain I feel
But I hide it so deeply
No one can see it
For I am hiding with invisibility
I can not see
I can not think
This agony, do you see?
I think not

Come up to breathe
The pain in me screams
I shout for help
But none received

I pull it out
Drag it across my wrist
Red springs up
Runs down my arm
I see the pain
Draining away
Do you?
I think not

The Black AvalancheA black cloud
A darker haunting
The lifeless bodies crawl beneath your feet…
Mindless ghouls from Hell shall eat!

The Black Avalanche,
The stormy darker pit
The last life to live,
The last torch you lit!

A black curtain
A darker howl
The mindless jaws taste flesh and spit…
A white specter drains life and wit!

This Black Avalanche,
The eleventh hour entwined
This story to crumble upon you,
This creature mutated and revived.

A haunting, deep inside your soul
Creeping, spawning mindless hounds
A ghostly tear on Azrael's face,
Last ray of hope, blasted in space…

My haunting, the tentacles of fear.
This disgusti

I Still Love You (revised)I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I can only try
But it hurts when you get angry
And you don't explain why

You look at me in tears
N' sometimes you almost shout
The frustration you bring upon me
N' the anger you bring out

I'm mad because I care
I want nothing more than to see you smile
I just want to help
And believe me
I'll be here a while

When you cry
My eyes tear at the seams
When you're sad
Rain clouds haunt my dreams

But when you laugh or smile
My lips curl up too
You still make me so happy
I only wish I could express
How much I love you.

We all make mistakes
We all do things we don't mean
And I forgave you bef

Nothing Like That MomentWhen with one hand
We hold each other's head
And with the other
We pull each other close
When our soft lips lock
Under passionately closed eyes
We embrace

It's that moment
That the world doesn't matter
Our worries, nonexistent
And all there is
is each other.

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Thoughts

by *AutumnNight714, Sep 18, 2012, 3:53:07 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I'm so sick of not being perfect
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me

Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much

Then I do it again
I screw up
I hurt
I break
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort

I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found

I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hiding it too
I'm just tired of the pain
I'm tired of taking it out on myself
Let me hide in the dark
Let me face it once again
Only through self-destruction
Can I build the true me

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I wish I wasn't this way
I wish I knew how to stop it
But it's there
I only hope you still accept me

I find comfort in one
One person
Who's eyes aren't blind through my self-hatred
Who can tell me the truth
The truth I have to learn to accept
However hard it may be
I'm not all bad

I'm told by her there's nothing wrong
I'm fine the way I am
But how is someone so messed up
Fine?

There are moments I see the light
See the good in me
But its grip is weak
Holding onto the edge
Doesn't take much
To make me fall

However, I'm often caught
I've been given the strength to climb
And the bottom is now far
Far down
So I'm caught
I'm saved
From myself
The me that waits at the bottom

To my savior
Thank you

Without you I'd still be weak
I wouldn't climb
I'd lay at the bottom
Stepped on by the other me
The devil inside
Overcoming this me
The me you saw
The me you saved

You keep me climbing
You're the light that waits at the top
You're the one that catches my fall

I'm sorry I don't make it easy
There are times my strength wanes
Falters
Fails
But you don't seem to give up
You still keep me going

One day I'll make it over the top
One day

729

81 28 17

Thoughtsby *AutumnNight714

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This goes up and down a bit... I was thinking about making it 3 separate parts (3 deviations) but I changed my mind and just did it all together...
yeah... sorry it's so long... just had to get it out I guess... not edited, so sorry about that, it just kinda came out...
by the way, I'm talking to different people at different parts of this... myself included in one or two I think...

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Submitted on: September 18, 2012
File Size: 2.5 KB
Submitted with: Sta.sh

Views: 729
Favourites: 81 (who?)
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Downloads: 17

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~ArcoIris-Gato Sep 21, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

This is pretty much exactly how I've felt for a long time, and can still relate to ;/
Thank you for giving words to my feelings~

*AutumnNight714 Sep 21, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

you're welcome, thank -you- for understanding. :3
If you ever need to talk or anything, feel free to message me, I've been dealing with this for like 6 years, and in the last 2 I've been getting help from a friend and I'm doing definitely a lot better, so I'd like to try to help if you need.

p.s. Thank you for favoriting.

~ArcoIris-Gato Sep 21, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Ah, you're welcome ><"
Well it comes and goes all the time, ya know? :l But thank you for the offer~
If I ever need help, I'll definetly consider talking to you ^^

You're welcome~

*AutumnNight714 Sep 21, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I know what you mean.
I'd be happy to help (:

~ArcoIris-Gato Sep 21, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Awesome ^^'

~xXScreamingOctoberXx Sep 20, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

<3It's okay hun. I definately know what you're going through. But beleive me, it'll get easier, and life will get brighter. Just keep having your savior in your mind and hopefully, it'll be less and less tempting as time goes on. Keep on writing! ^-^

*AutumnNight714 Sep 20, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Thank you (:
I know it'll get better, it's already gotten so much better. She is amazing, I've grown into me thanks to her. This just comes up now and then, and the poem just kind of came out, one of those times where you're not really thinking, you're mind is just seeing the words, as if they were already on the paper. I don't actually get tempted that often, it's pretty rare, but it felt like it just fit in the poem.
And I will keep writing xD thank you!

~xXScreamingOctoberXx Sep 29, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Anytime(: And that's good ^-^

~MoonstarTheDragoncat Sep 19, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Wow. That was beautiful! I don't often look at poems but this caught my attention the second I read the thumbnail. Lovely.

*AutumnNight714 Sep 19, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Thank you so much! and thanks for faving. (: I'm glad it stood out.

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