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Submitted on
September 18, 2012
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2.5 KB
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Sta.sh
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881 (1 today)
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83 (who?)
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29
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I'm so sick of not being perfect
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me

Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much

Then I do it again
I screw up
I hurt
I break
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort

I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found

I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hiding it too
I'm just tired of the pain
I'm tired of taking it out on myself
Let me hide in the dark
Let me face it once again
Only through self-destruction
Can I build the true me

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I wish I wasn't this way
I wish I knew how to stop it
But it's there
I only hope you still accept me

I find comfort in one
One person
Who's eyes aren't blind through my self-hatred
Who can tell me the truth
The truth I have to learn to accept
However hard it may be
I'm not all bad

I'm told by her there's nothing wrong
I'm fine the way I am
But how is someone so messed up
Fine?

There are moments I see the light
See the good in me
But its grip is weak
Holding onto the edge
Doesn't take much
To make me fall

However, I'm often caught
I've been given the strength to climb
And the bottom is now far
Far down
So I'm caught
I'm saved
From myself
The me that waits at the bottom

To my savior
Thank you

Without you I'd still be weak
I wouldn't climb
I'd lay at the bottom
Stepped on by the other me
The devil inside
Overcoming this me
The me you saw
The me you saved

You keep me climbing
You're the light that waits at the top
You're the one that catches my fall

I'm sorry I don't make it easy
There are times my strength wanes
Falters
Fails
But you don't seem to give up
You still keep me going

One day I'll make it over the top
One day
This goes up and down a bit... I was thinking about making it 3 separate parts (3 deviations) but I changed my mind and just did it all together...
yeah... sorry it's so long... just had to get it out I guess... not edited, so sorry about that, it just kinda came out...
by the way, I'm talking to different people at different parts of this... myself included in one or two I think...
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:iconwhiteheartflame:
WhiteHeartFlame Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow.  Deep, heartfelt...  Excellent, I say.  ^^
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:iconarcoiris-gato:
ArcoIris-Gato Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is pretty much exactly how I've felt for a long time, and can still relate to ;/
Thank you for giving words to my feelings~
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome, thank -you- for understanding. :3
If you ever need to talk or anything, feel free to message me, I've been dealing with this for like 6 years, and in the last 2 I've been getting help from a friend and I'm doing definitely a lot better, so I'd like to try to help if you need.

p.s. Thank you for favoriting.
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:iconarcoiris-gato:
ArcoIris-Gato Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, you're welcome ><"
Well it comes and goes all the time, ya know? :l But thank you for the offer~
If I ever need help, I'll definetly consider talking to you ^^

You're welcome~
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Student Writer
I know what you mean.
I'd be happy to help (:
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:iconarcoiris-gato:
ArcoIris-Gato Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome ^^'
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:iconxxscreamingoctoberxx:
<3It's okay hun. I definately know what you're going through. But beleive me, it'll get easier, and life will get brighter. Just keep having your savior in your mind and hopefully, it'll be less and less tempting as time goes on. Keep on writing! ^-^
Reply
:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you (:
I know it'll get better, it's already gotten so much better. She is amazing, I've grown into me thanks to her. This just comes up now and then, and the poem just kind of came out, one of those times where you're not really thinking, you're mind is just seeing the words, as if they were already on the paper. I don't actually get tempted that often, it's pretty rare, but it felt like it just fit in the poem.
And I will keep writing xD thank you!
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:iconxxscreamingoctoberxx:
Anytime(: And that's good ^-^
Reply
:iconmoonstarthedragoncat:
MoonstarTheDragoncat Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. That was beautiful! I don't often look at poems but this caught my attention the second I read the thumbnail. Lovely.
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