[x]

I am the wall
When you need to lean
I am the net
When you start to fall
I am the brace
If you start to break
I am the pillow
to rest your beautiful head
If you start to cry

When everything shifts
Fades in and out
When the world does not stand still
I am there
Wherever your focus may lay
on me or not
I am there
And I will always
Be there

Within (redone)An unnatural smile taking place,
Of one true but lost.
A joyless laugh seemingly real,
But unknowingly different.
Carefully displayed, a convincing facade
Few can see through.

Within,
A crumbled crying world,
Reaching not past the surface.
A raging war of civil encounter,
Relentlessly unforgiving and destructive.
A cowering bloody soul,
Shattered upon the foundation and spread foreign,
It is of its own devastation.

But further within,
A lovingly happily full heart,
The true smile that contagiously glimmers,
And a happy soul,
Waiting to shine through.

WithinA smile,
A laugh,
A hug.
A façade.

Within

A broken world,
A civil war,
A shattered soul,
Of its own destruction.

But further within

A full heart,
A true smile,
A happy me.
Waiting to shine.

Nothing Like That MomentWhen with one hand
We hold each other's head
And with the other
We pull each other close
When our soft lips lock
Under passionately closed eyes
We embrace

It's that moment
That the world doesn't matter
Our worries, nonexistent
And all there is
is each other.

A New and Bright FriendshipIt's always been hard to explain my feelings
But right now I'm speechless
I've never thought I could care so much
So quickly
Yet here I am
Offering my help and support
No matter what.

Some of my darkest corners
Smile when I talk to you
My worries begin to fade
And my stomach feels warm
A new and bright friendship
I'm just glad I met you.

So What Do I Do?If only I could read your mind
If only I could interpret you emotions
Understand what you're going through
See through your eyes
Hear through your ears
Feel through your heart
If only I knew how to help you

But I can't
And I don't
And it's killing me
So what do I do?
Tell me.

What is wrong with me?I'm a monster
I'm a freak
Save yourself
Stay away

I lash out
I break
I hurt
I'm sorry

I lost control
For one moment
Pushed over the edge
It was too much

I can't believe it
What is wrong with me?
How could I do this?
It won't happen again

But still stay away
Why not?
Why be near me?
What good is there to hold by?

Theres one light left
One candle
On the outside
To relight the others inside

I Might Need YouI think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I'm spinning out of control
And careening off the side of the road.
I pretend to hold on to the wheel,
But we both know I'll crash.

It wasn't a fair fight.

If you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would hear me whispering
"I want you."
"I need you."
"You're mine."

And if you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would know that
We are horribly wrong
For each other,
And that my words mean nothing.

But what's to stop us from
Sharing our sheets anyway?
We sleep folded together
Like slips of origami paper
Pressed so tightly that
We could not possi

Truly FreeIn this world as we know it
No human will ever be free
Truly free

Slavery is lessoned
But the past will forever haunt
Never free of bad memories
And still racism will haunt
Never will it end

Even in the façade of peace
We are not free
Judgment of others
Social standings and wealth
And being told what to do
Where to go
What to be

In our own homes
We're trapped from the start
The teachings and influence of those around us
Swaying our minds one way or another
Never will our thoughts be truly free

Imagine none of these restrictions
Are we yet free?
No
It still comes down to the basics of life
Our physical limitations
We

I Still Love YouI'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I can only try
But it hurts when you get angry
And you don't say why

You look at me in tears
Sometimes you almost shout
The frustration you bring upon me
The anger you bring out

I'm mad because I care
I want nothing more than to see you smile
I just want to help
And believe me
I'll be here a while

When you cry
My eyes tear at the seams
When you're sad
Rain clouds haunt my dreams

But when you laugh or smile
My lips curl up too
You still just make me so happy, I only wish I could express
How much I still love you.

ThoughtsI'm so sick of not being perfect
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me

Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much

Then I do it again
I screw up
I hurt
I break
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort

I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found

I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hidin

I'd Be Pretty If I'd Just...I'd be pretty if I'd just smile
If I'd cut my hair a certain way
And cover myself up in that chemical crap you call make-up
But did you ever think that just maybe...
I don't wanna be pretty
That I just wanna be me
Who cares if no one ever calls me beautiful
Who cares if I'm never asked to dance
Hell I don't even know how to dance anyway
I don't care how the world sees me
I only care how I see me
And I think there's nothing wrong with the girl in the mirror
Sure she doesn't smile much but that's cause she's going through hell
Her face may look plain without any make-up
But that's just the way I like it
An old pair

A Moment of ConnectionI walked alone
On a path followed by few
Gently warmed
By the high risen sun
The sounds of nature soft
Little did they touch my ears
And into my thoughts
Where I remembered her face
Her smile
Bright as the day
Gentle as the breeze

I came to a clearing
Not far from the path lay a field
Low cut grass
A river flow just beyond
It was wide and calm
And in the middle sat but two trees
All alone
Away from the rest

Unlike the forest around
The trees had color
Had beauty
Hugging with branches intertwined
Orange and red leaves kissing
The two trees together
Apart from the rest.

I Need You To KnowStop.
I need you to stop what you're doing
And listen to me for a second.
I need you to understand my words
Even though they fall carelessly from my lips.
It will only take a few minutes, I promise.

I need you to know that I love you,
And that I always have.
I cared for you more than myself.
Nothing else matter as long as
You were there to comfort me,
And I thank you for that.

I think you should know that when I
Woke up this morning my first thoughts
Were of you, as they are every morning.
I wanted to know how you felt,
If you were okay,
If you were thinking of me…

Now for the hard part:
I need you to know that I don't w

Do You Remember?Do you remember that poem you wrote me?
Well, I found it the other day.
It was in my jacket pocket.

I didn't know one piece of paper
Could bring back so many memories.
It's amazing how long it has been
Since you gave it to me.

I am thankful that
I had you in my life.
All the good and bad times,
They made us that much stronger.

Thank you for coming into my life.
Thank you loving me.
I couldn't have asked for anything better.

So you see what a simple
Piece of paper with words on it can do.
It made me remember why I cared so much.
It made me remember you,
So thank you for writing it.

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Blood Stained VanityAlone,
Shaking calmly in a cold sweat,
Cross legged on bed, head in hands,
A stuttered breath:
“Stop”

Nails begin scraping flesh and bone,
Hair tearing to get at the thoughts,
Biting lip to bear the pain, and stop the tears,
Yet a part wants it to continue,
Wants it to grow,
To consume,
Until there’s nothing left.

In the dark sat in utter loathe,
Blood stained vanity and silent screams,
Tearing mind from inside out,
Until it shows upon flesh.

Breaking words only to self,
No desire to burden others,
Facing it alone,
Or at least,
Trying.

Apologies to all of caring heart,
Inner conflict never a quick war,
Peace though found

A Moment Beyond JudgmentEvery day sat under the beating eyes of judgment
Every minor motion made with question and caution
Every breath, sneeze, and cough made quiet
Suffocating when someone looks
Throat clenching when they laugh
Their whispers and sideways glances closing in
Yet so much is merely in my head.

Then a day with thoughts set free
No, not a day, a moment
A moment of no worry
No clouded constricting thoughts
I know not for never before had I been such way
But there was one moment
When the world brightened
And mind held no concern toward judgment
It was a moment of freedom.

In a room filled with people
Yet there was no suffocation
As if thick air gave

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Submitted: November 18, 2012
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I should have seen

by *AutumnNight714, Nov 18, 2012, 6:16:05 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I try
And I try
To be better
And better
I try to be perfect
I want no fault
All for you

I only wish to be everything
And give you everything
I didn't know
I was hurting you

Again and again
You told me I was fine
There's nothing wrong
I should have understood
And accepted myself

We all have faults
It doesn't mean there's something wrong
I just wanted to reach the impossible
I wanted to be perfect
For you

I'm sorry
I should have seen
You love me
For me

I should have seenby *AutumnNight714

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

So this is a poem I've been trying to get a grasp of for a while... finally started to kind of get the words for it. Some events have helped it come along more. I've always tried to be perfect, and be better, especially for those that deserve it from me, but no one can be perfect and I really shouldn't get so worked up over something so impossible to achieve. I'm a supporter of being who you are and nothing else, yet I tried to change myself, and that's a terrible thing and I feel awful about it. anyway..
Hope you like it!