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Submitted on
May 16, 2012
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I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I can only try
But it hurts when you get angry
And you don't explain why

You look at me in tears
N' sometimes you almost shout
The frustration you bring upon me
N' the anger you bring out

I'm mad because I care
I want nothing more than to see you smile
I just want to help
And believe me
I'll be here a while

When you cry
My eyes tear at the seams
When you're sad
Rain clouds haunt my dreams

But when you laugh or smile
My lips curl up too
You still make me so happy
I only wish I could express
How much I love you.

We all make mistakes
We all do things we don't mean
And I forgave you before it even happened
I'm not as upset as I may seem

We've had good times
And we've had bad
But no matter what
Being your friend will always keep me glad

We both have other friends
Who I care about too
But you're the only one through the phone
To whom I want to hang up and whisper
I still love you.
[link]
the origional

I wrote that yesterday and did the editing in school today, I had about a half hour at the end of biology so I decided to see what I could write from memory and edit it.
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:iconnotaweirdo16:
notaweirdo16 Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Student General Artist
This is really awesome! I love the way it flows. Nice job.
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
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:iconnotaweirdo16:
notaweirdo16 Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
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:iconacousticrose:
AcousticRose Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
DEFINITELY a better use of your time than doing Biology :) very very good, there's a lot of emotion in this but instead of it feeling over the top and cloying, it's very sincere :)
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Student Writer
thank you very much :)
and yeah I do a lot of writing in school. xD
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:iconacousticrose:
AcousticRose Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
you're welcome :) haha that's the best time to do it in my opinion :L
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Student Writer
^^
do you like this one better than the original or did the revisions make it a little worse? just curious...
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:iconacousticrose:
AcousticRose Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
I think this one is definitely better. It's longer for one and the " N' " in stanza 2 make it sound more like there's a person behind the words, that you're writing them. However I think in the first stanza of your original version the word 'say' made it flow a bit better. Though altogether, revising it was definitely a good decision :D
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:iconautumnnight714:
AutumnNight714 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Student Writer
Alright, thanks :)
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:iconquantuminnovator:
QuantumInnovator Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
This is an excellent poem.
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